'Fifty Shades of Grey' Film Review

Film: Fifty Shades of Grey

Genre: Romance, Drama

Fifty Shades of Grey Film Review

So, where do I even begin with this film? Before I start, yes I’ve read the books and yes I also think they are awful. I mean, I’m not going to lie I’ve read them a couple of times because they are the definition of a guilty pleasure but they are in no way a form of good literature. I’m also not even going to mention (other than this, obviously) the whole Christian Grey abuses Ana and rapes her and whatnot because I just can’t even with that shit. Yeah, the guys a fucking weirdo. He’s a stalker; he’s obsessive and extremely controlling but abusive? Hmm. Do I want a Christian Grey? Hell no, I would not be able to keep my mouth shut. Does this affect me reading and (I’m going to say slightly because sometimes I really don’t know if I am) enjoying the books? Also no. 

Okay, so that’s out the way.

I really wasn’t expecting a lot from this film at all, the book was awful (as clearly stated above) and I didn’t particularly think much of the casting, although Jamie Dornan is fit as fuck. However, as the time grew closer and closer, I was getting extremely excited – someone was clearly slipping happy pills in my Pepsi. I went to see it opening night and I loved it! Yeah, you read that right. This is a common occurrence for me though, usually if I am worried or dreading a film, I like it more.

Erm...nom!? 

The film begins with showing Christian and Ana going about their daily lives and I don’t know about your cinema but the sighs and oohs and ahhs had already begun. I’m not going to even lie or defend myself; I elbowed my housemate and giggled too. He’s fit okay? The film begins pretty much the same way the book does with Ana meeting Christian all but immediately. I thought Ana entering his building was done very well, there were some very subtle details in there that a non-book reader would not have picked up on and I appreciated that.

So, Ana enters Christian’s office and falls over thin air, as you do. He goes over and it’s all smarmy and cringey cause its Fifty Shade’s of Grey. There’s a moment in the office where it shows his hand gripping his desk after Ana bites the pencil. I thought that was a really nice touch, showcasing his perspective as well since the book is from Ana’s so we don’t get these kind of details.

Flash forward, Ana sees Christian at her workplace or I should really say Christian stalks Ana and finds her at her workplace. Somebody please brush Mr. Grey up on his flirting techniques please. I liked the fact that Ana was literally like what the fuck? Dakota’s Ana is very witty and sarcastically funny in this film and I loved this! I spent the entire three books internally (and sometimes not so internally) screaming at Ana for not yelling at Grey and telling him to get his shit together. She’s a lot more feisty in this portrayal.

Later we see Ana and Christian having tea with one another and Grey already demanding that she should eat. That was damn nice muffin and I totally would have but no stranger tells me what to do. The scene is short and sweet since Grey pesters Ana about her personal life and then freaks the fuck out when he realises that Ana is a romantic – the horror! – and tells her that they need to leave. He of course is then all Ana we can’t be together, then rescues her from a peddle bike because apparently they can do serious harm if they ride past you now, Grey spends the next awkward twenty seconds feeling up Ana’s face. And then he sends her some books. Someone please show Grey the definition of ‘staying away’ please!

Okay, I said I'd stay away but I can still stalk you right?

Next scene we have Ana drinking with her friends – what a shock, she’s behaving like a normal 21 year old – and Grey flips his shit. Well Ana drunk dials him and basically parodies him, legit one of my favourite scenes by the way. Christian saves her from a guy whose about to kiss her – ever heard of the kick in the balls sequence Ana? Ana then proceeds to puke all over Christian. See Christian, she is a romantic!

Skipping a few scenes ahead, we have Grey showing Ana the contract with Ana asking Christian if he is ‘going to make love to her now?’ I laughed so hard as Christian delivered is ultra-awkward like ‘I fuck. Hard.’ Please. He then shows her the playroom (where he keeps his XBOX and stuff) and all his kinky fuckery is revealed. There was definitely more in that room then I certainly pictured. The hilarious moment is a few minutes later when Grey discovers that Ana is a virgin and he intends to rectify the situation. I don’t know who wrote the script but I really liked that they had Ana comment on her being a situation. It was quiet and of course we don’t get an answer to it but this was something that had a lot of people’s backs up about the fact that her virginity is a ‘situation’ so I like that Ana addressed this. Sort of.

 

Ever heard of a razor, Ana? 

I have to admit, I’m totally with everybody else, Dakota and her leg hair really? Like I know, I’ve read about the supposed symbolism how it represent him literally making the hair stand up but still, I would have been shaving everywhere if I was going to be in a film like this that’s for sure. I found the sex scene slightly awkward but not at the same time which isn’t a particularly good description but oh well. Ana and Christian then proceed to have a bath and probably more sex or whatever. That’s definitely an accurate portrayal of the book.

Christian later asks Ana to think about the whole dominant and submissive thing and here come the email conversations. I like the way they did this in the film, having the texts come up on screen rather than someone just saying them because who reads their texts out loud? I also like that they were compressed because sometimes they got really annoying in the book. One of my other favourite scenes is when Ana and Christian have a ‘business meeting’ and discuss the contract. Ana’s insistence on crossing out a few of Grey’s favourite activities was definitely the icing on cake.

There will be most definitely be no anal fisting for you, sir. 

The last scene has got to be one of the most awkward scenes I have ever had to sit through, I knew what was coming (obviously) and I’m glad that they showed it sort of off screen. We never see the damage that Christian inflicts on Ana but her facial expression and body language is enough to know how much pain she is in which ultimately makes it a very uncomfortable scene for the viewer. This is where we have the ultimate end of the relationship between our two characters and Ana (finally!) tells Christian about his fucked up ways, I like the way that Jamie portrayed this. He had a shocked, bewildered look on his face which I love and think is incredibly accurate for Grey. Here is a man who is not used to hearing no and definitely not hearing what a fucked up guy he is either.

My few issues with this are very superficial. Firstly, Ana’s phone – seriously? In the book, Grey gets her a new phone which makes sense for Ana to have a bad one but since this subplot is left out her having a crap phone is just plain weird. Yeah, it’s Ana so I’m not expecting her to have the iPhone 6+ but I also wasn’t expecting that flip phone thing. Ana’s leg hair which I’ve already discussed and Rita Ora? Really what was the point?

She even got her own poster? What the hell?! 

I don’t get people’s comments on how the film shouldn’t have been so sexually graphic – seriously? And also, I know I’m from a different generation and all but it really didn’t seem too graphic to me. It was as graphic as it needed to be in my opinion.

Overall, I really enjoyed this film; I don’t really get people who say it’s a bad film because of the storyline. The films based on the book – which isn’t great, what were people expecting? I loved how sarcastic and funny Ana was. Grey fell a little flat but I didn’t dislike Dornan’s portrayal too much. I’ll definitely be watching this again soon.